Coming home … again!

Some of you may have read our blog on coming home back in 2015 after we returned from a year long backpacking adventure. We were finding it so difficult to adjust back to reality and tried to express our feelings for other travellers to relate to. We had to realise it was okay to feel like we didn’t fit in with our society anymore but we found it extremely hard to explain it to the people around us and somehow writing about it was easier.

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So what happened when we finally started to settle back in to normality? We established a routine at work, enjoyed spending time with friends and family and then… decided to go again!

After just 12 months of being home, we did exactly that, this time not to backpack but to spend a few months at Our Home Community, as well as squeezing in some more of India and ticking Sri Lanka off our bucket list too.

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It was harder to leave this time, although it was what we both wanted, we had more doubts about going, right up until the journey to the airport. Were we doing the right thing going again? At 25 & 26, are we too old? Should we be buying a house and settling down? All these questions went round and round in our heads, and when we booked our flights to go, we were really emotional, not excited. Scared.

If leaving to go away for our second time was hard, imagine how hard it was to come back.

As we left for the airport we were so incredibly anxious, especially with it being 3:30am, we were actually still saying it’s not too late to change our minds. However after a power nap in the car, something clicked and as we arrived to the airport excitement kicked in. OKAY, WE’RE GOING AGAIN! It was like the polar opposite of what we’d been feeling in the weeks building up to our departure.

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After the emotional goodbyes before we knew it we were back in India and this time it was even better than before. We had two weeks to explore before heading to Our Home and we kept expecting something bad to happen, but it just didn’t! You either love or hate India but for us, each time we go gets better and better.

The main purpose of our trip was to spend a substantial amount of time with the children, for them to really get to know us and feel that they have us there to support them, no matter where in the world we are. We wanted them to know that from the day we met them in 2015 we are always going to be there in whatever way we can. (read about our experiences at Our Home)

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What could possibly be bad about spending three life changing months with the most amazing children and community in the most beautiful place in the world? Leaving.

When we talk about Our Home if you know us, you know we’re so passionate, and it’s because we’ve found our happy place. This is where we feel like we belong, we were born to do this. And therefore leaving was one of the worst, and most emotional days of our lives. The week building up to it was unbearable in itself and we had plenty of conversations with the children about why we couldn’t stay forever which was truly heart breaking. These children needed us and to have to leave was awful.

We told ourselves when the day was upon us we would be strong and not get upset, but that went straight out of the window when we woke up at 4:30am to find one of the boys just sitting outside our room waiting for us. It was like a slap in the face that our journey had come to an end. Every single child woke up extra early to see us off and give us letters and flowers, their little faces were just too much to cope with and we couldn’t stop hysterically crying. So much for being strong.

We had to take contentment that we achieved more than what we originally went to do, not only teaching and helping with day to day duties but building relationships and bonds with them that can never be broken. They all know that we will ALWAYS be there to support them and we will visit as much as we can, although it was the end of this trip it was just the start for our future with them. We came away with the best memories, together we experienced not only fun, laughter and love but we also endured the rawness, truthfulness, tears, emotions and overcome so many firsts. In the words of the children “You going time you no cry, you going time you happy only.” As we pulled away from Our Home we turned back to see them all just looking longingly with such emotion in their eyes, it’s a memory that will stay with us forever.

We had just over a month left to travel some more of India; Hampi, Bangalore and Goa before heading to Sri Lanka. It took us a while to get over feeling sad and couldn’t help but feel guilty in everything that we did, we had to give ourselves a good talking to and realise if we weren’t going to enjoy ourselves we may as well go home there and then. Not going home immediately was actually the best thing we could have done as it gave us a bit of time to adjust before going back to reality.

Our incredible trip very quickly came to an end after a life changing five months. We had a wonderful last few weeks but not only did we stay in luxury hotels, see beautiful views and eat delicious new delicacies but our time sleeping on the floor with no water or electricity, eating boiled rice for days and experiencing first hand what a cruel world it can be was what made our trip. We shape our world and we have the power to change it. We feel so lucky to be experiencing life and all it has to offer together, hopefully doing something along the way to help.

Landing back in England was just as we imagined, I mean we knew right? We’d done it before. Wrong. This time was so much harder, and it’s because we’d left our family in India behind.

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How is it possible to even try and settle back into every day London life when you’ve spent months living such a basic life with orphaned children in India? How can we justify spending £15 per day to travel to work when this is enough to feed them all? How can we spend hundreds of pounds on new clothes or on a night out when there is still so much suffering in this world? Our lives are a daily struggle of trying to fit back into society but also not forgetting what’s going on out there.

There is no answer to these questions … we just don’t know and are still trying to figure it all out. The truth is we will never be the same again. Our friends and family tell us how we’ve changed, and of course we have, you couldn’t experience what we have and be the same person.

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It’s an overwhelming sense of emotions coming home, not only because we miss the children but because we’re back to our same old life where nothing seems exciting. Everyday we have an overpowering wanderlust and always find our conversation drifting to “do you remember when we did …” we will never not have the desire to explore and experience new things, but how far do we go? Do we keep going again and again when there is that pressure on us to settle down, buy a house, get married and have our own children? Why can’t we be that couple that goes and settles down in an orphanage an India? That may sound crazy to you, but to us it couldn’t make more sense.

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It’s a really confusing time, and honestly? We don’t know what we want. Yes it’s the perfect fairy tale ending that we’ve spent eight amazing years together, seen the world, volunteered in India and now we should have our fairytale wedding and do everything by the book. Sounds great right? We’re not so sure …

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.” – Anthony Bourdain

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